Vani's Blog

Why do I always have to be the understanding one? Why do I always have to ask for things? Why do I feel like I always get the short end of the stick? Why do I have to beg for love and attention? So many why’s have been going through my mind lately. I don’t like this. One thing that I despise the most is pity, especially self pity. I hate that I am getting to that point and I don’t want to get to that point.

I am getting tired of these why’s. I am starting to think that the only way to be in any kind of relationship is to be toxic. If you are honest, and truthful and understanding, you are always going to get the short end of the stick. That’s where I am right now. I feel like I always find myself asking for that attention and love in any kind of relation, be it as a friend, as a daughter, partner, etc. I am getting tired of it. Why can’t people just give it sometimes without me having to ask?

I am getting tired of these why’s. I am getting to a point where I just want to go unhinged and really not care about anything and anyone and just do me, whatever that would look like. I don’t mind being by myself, and I have been okay with just myself, specifically emotionally. I will be fine. It’s better that way, maybe, since I can do whatever I need to do and I don’t have to ask anyone anything. I don’t have to beg for any kind of attention and love.

I am tired. I am just tired…