Vani's Blog

He touched my soul like no one has before. It was the weirdest thing ever, but in a good way. You know, when you keep having these thoughts of what you would like in a person, like a generic portrait of a potential partner, and suddenly, when you have lost all hope and are so okay with being by yourself, which I was, and then suddenly that portrait comes to life. That’s exactly what it feels like is happening to me. It might even be too soon to say anything at this moment but it doesn’t feel wrong to say it. I think that is the scary part for me. I never actually hoped to find someone like that, just the little pessimist that I am. But life works in mysterious ways. He waltzed in my life with a game of 4-way chess. Yes, 4-way chess!! I know!!! Like legit 4-way chess! It’s a long story.

I feel like I am actually heard and that’s not something I am used to either. Getting that care feels like the most normal thing that I can receive without having to even ask. It feels like my soul is being touched, and licked and sucked so intensely that I can’t breathe, and it’s like I don’t even mind it. It’s not love because I still have to find out what healthy love means without the obsessive tendencies since that’s all I got and know, but it’s a strong feeling, a very strong like. It could be so much more, or maybe it already is. I still feel like I am in a dream in a dream in a dream, something I will be woken up from multiple times to come back to reality. But I am not going to jinx it or have my pessimistic thoughts take over for this one. I am going to go with the flow. I am not going to deprive myself of the experience despite whatever the outcome is…