Vani's Blog

Being a overthinker has its perks. I have been thinking a lot lately about the old life I had, the people in my life at that time and now, as well as where I stand in all of this. When I moved from the country I was born in to this whole new place, I had the mindset of ending everything so that I can start something new. I isolated myself from almost every memory that I had of that place, like it was not worth remembering even though I had made a lot of good memories throughout my life there. Lately, those memories have been coming up, the little things that didn’t matter at the time but it feels so nice, simple and makes me happy thinking about it now. It makes me feel so nostalgic and makes me want to go back to visit those places again.

I have lost multiple people from that life in the process, some because of me and some because of them that I am feeling a sense of loss. The people who I had such a connection with left my life with no regard which makes me question all the relationships in my life. I know that nothing is for forever but it doesn’t mean that it doesn’t hurt. I have to constantly remind myself that everyone has a life and their own things that they work on just like me and that I am not the center of attention for them or anyone. I have to accept that fact and develop that sense of satisfaction for where I am with those friendships because I hold them dear and I wouldn’t want to lose them because of my own silly thoughts.

All of this makes me feel like I am going backwards in the sense of getting back to my roots where I came from and acknowledging the past that I always said I do but I didn’t. It happened when I wasn’t trying which tells me that it was always there. It’s a beautiful reminder that we come from our past which we might or might not always be proud of but it makes us who we are today, whether we like it or not. I think that if we have made it this far, might as well be proud of it since we are still here and pushing and growing and learning. I am proud of who I have become and I wouldn’t change it for anything because it was all worth it. I hope you are proud of who you have become too because I am.